There’s never been a more accurate statement than “all is fair in love and war.” Even the best relationships go through downward phases, but what happens when you call it quits? Can you walk away without dissing the other party, or do you feel inclined to share all their dirty deeds and put a little twist on the story for interest?
Spreading rumors is gossip, and there are many reasons why people love to pack tales. If the situation ended on a sour note, you might want to make yourself look and feel like the victim in the relationship. Saving face is not necessary if you keep your private business personal. Why is it that people feel the need to share everything they know with their friends and family?
A simple “it didn’t work out” should suffice any curious folks. Besides the fact that talking trash about your ex is not in good taste, it can have some negative psychological repercussions. Here are some reasons why spreading rumors is not healthy.
1. IT MAKES YOU LOOK CHILDISH
Imagine sitting around the lunch table at work talking about all the horrible things your ex did to you. While a couple of people may be curious to hear the scoop, most of your coworkers would rather you save the details for a more captive audience. When you are spreading rumors and talking about intimate things that went wrong, it makes you look childish.
Remember the days of grade school where your best friend ran and told the teacher every time you looked at her wrong? Your family and friends may feel that you are a bit childish if you are spreading gossip. An adult should be man or woman enough to admit it didn’t work out and move on.
2. A RUMOR KEEPS YOU IN A NEGATIVE MINDSET
Life is full of disappointments and trials, and when you’re dealing with a broken relationship, it can be quite a blow to your esteem. However, it’s not as much about what happened to you as it is your choice to ruminate about it. When you focus on the negative things that happen in life, then it’s setting you up for a pessimistic outlook.
Instead, why not take positive matters from your relationship and choose to remember these things? There will undoubtedly be several relationships in your life that don’t work out, romantic and otherwise. If you dwell on all the things that went wrong, you won’t be able to get past the negativity.
As counselors will reveal, broken dreams hurt, but you must learn to move beyond the brokenness to find healing. If you’re constantly dwelling on the past and the negative parts about it, then you can’t move on to the future.
3. YOU MAY GET A BAD REPUTATION
Do you know that person in the family or your workplace that everyone avoids? You don’t want to turn into this individual. No matter how hard you try, your constant “Negative Nelly” attitude and downward demeanor are a real turn off.
People want to be around those that lift them and make them smile. If you’re continually trashing your ex and talking about all your problems, then the individuals in your life may want to steer clear of any interaction with you. Additionally, if you’re telling things that aren’t 100 percent true, then it also has some serious consequences.
4. YOUR STORIES MAY COME BACK TO BITE YOU
It’s often said that there’s his side, her side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth. You see things from your point of view, and your partner has their opinions. However, you need to make sure that what you are telling is the truth.
Anything you say can come back to bite you later. For instance, let’s assume this person wants to get back together with you. You’ve had time apart, and now you realize you can’t live without each other. What about all those rumors and stories you told about them?
Your friends and family may tell the other person all the things that you said, and they might not even do it on purpose. The lies you tell can come back and haunt you later, especially should you reignite your passion.
5. RUMORS CAN AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN
If your relationship was more than a short fling, then you may have children from the union. It’s hard to talk trash about your ex when there are little ears around you. Remember, little ones are listening to everything you have to say.
When you are trashing their mom or dad, it’s very hurtful to them. It would help if you allowed children to form their own opinions, and they will. As your kids grow and mature, they will see the people who are there for them and those who aren’t.
Additionally, just because you had a bad relationship with their other parent doesn’t mean that they will be anything less than a great mother or father to their children. You don’t want your kids to see you in a negative light, and when you’re spreading rumors about their parents, it can cause problems.
6. PEOPLE WON’T TRUST YOU
Sadly, along with getting a bad reputation, people won’t trust you if you’re sharing intimate details about someone else with them. If there’s any golden rule of relationships, it’s that if people are talking about others with you, then they are talking about you with others.
When someone confides in a friend, they trust that the friend won’t be spreading their business all over town. If they hear you are always talking smack about a bad relationship, they will be less likely to want to share anything with you. They will be afraid that you will share anything that they tell you with others, and their fears are warranted.
7. YOU CAN BE SUED FOR SLANDER
When you’re hurt, it always sounds better to add a little bit of juice to the story, especially if you’re trying to save face. However, today’s society is “sue happy,” and they are more than eager to take you to court. While Defamation of Character is a widely overused term, it’s grounds for a suit.
If you have said things about your ex that can affect their business or personal standings, it can cost you big time. Never put anything on social media outlets. If there is one shred of proof that can back up their claims, then a judge will likely rule in their favor.
8. BAD KARMA ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND
Karma is the universe’s way of rewarding or punishing deeds. If you plant goodness into your garden, then you will receive kindness in return. However, if you plant negativity, gossip, and lying in life’s garden, then karma will not be so kind.
Remember the old saying, “what goes around will come back around?” When you are telling lies and spreading gossip, the same judgment that you give out to others is going to come back on you. It may not happen today, tomorrow, or even in the next year, but at some point in your life, you will be repaid for your evil deeds.
9. YOU CAN HURT THE OTHER PERSON
Most folks think that the best way to get back at someone who has hurt you is to cut them in return. However, you can do some real damage when you spread vicious rumors. More importantly than what others think, how will the person you once loved feel when they hear the things you’re saying?
You don’t want to do anything that will be a stumbling block to anyone, especially someone you once had intense feels about. Causing them to have issues in their personal or professional life is downright mean. Could you live with the guilt if you got them fired or had other severe repercussions over lies?
10. THEY CAN RETALIATE
According to the NIH, retaliation or reprisal can have a “chilling effect” on relationships.
Be careful what you say to others about your ex. Not all people take rumors and gossip so kindly. Some folks believe in the “eye for an eye” type of retaliation. Your ex may start spreading rumors about you or worse yet do things to get back at you.
Many unbalanced people in this world will stop at nothing to get revenge. Do you want to take a chance of a severe retaliation against you? When you threaten someone’s reputation or well-being with lies, there is no telling what they might do to get revenge.
FINAL THOUGHTS: MOVE ON GRACEFULLY FROM YOUR EX WITHOUT SPREADING RUMORS
Though it’s difficult, it’s always best to count your losses and move on. If you need a therapist to help you through a bad breakup, then go to therapy. You don’t want to hurt others because karma can and will pay you back for your misguided deeds.
Don’t start rumors. Instead, you will find it best to forgive. Only then can you can move on with someone new. You deserve to have someone who will love you 100 percent and won’t cause the problems of your previous partner. Shake the dust off your feet and start the journey to find someone new.